Dr. Ansley Bender

Specialties

Below are some of my specialties. Please reach out with any questions. If I am not a good fit for your presenting concerns, I am happy to refer you to a provider with the relevant expertise.

Trauma and Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

The impact of traumatic events cannot be understated. More and more, research is supporting just how profoundly trauma can affect mental and physical health – particularly trauma that happened early, often, or in the context of important relationships. Trauma can shatter one’s sense of safety and stability, or even one’s sense of self. You may question what this experience means for your ability to trust others, to feel safe, or to exist in the world. You may struggle with overwhelming feelings of shame or guilt, and may feel that you are somehow to blame for what happened. You are not alone. Fortunately, we now know that it is very possible to begin to heal. PTSD and other trauma-related disorders do not have to be forever. While we can never change the past, we can change how you carry it, how heavy it is, and how it impacts your future. You do not have to bear this alone. I have been honored to help many clients process unthinkable experiences, to become unstuck from the tight grip trauma once had on their lives, and to reclaim their identity, their sense of safety, and their future.

Anxiety Disorders

While some amount of worry can be helpful, too much becomes crushing, leaving you stuck and overwhelmed. Anxiety can be an unrelenting voice in your head trying to anticipate every possible thing that might go wrong. It can be a sense of impending doom, that something catastrophic is about to happen. Other times it can be physical – tension in your muscles, headache, upset stomach, racing heart, restlessness, and insomnia. I have extensive experience treating numerous types of anxiety disorders, including general anxiety, social anxiety, specific phobia, and obsessive compulsive disorders. My aim is to foster a sense of safety that allows you to face the things you have feared and to overcome intense anxiety, however it presents for you.

Depressive Disorders and Grief

Depression is a dark cloud that hangs over your head, making it difficult – if not impossible – to find joy in your life. You may feel profound sadness, or you may feel nothing at all, instead feeling numb or empty. Depression tells you to stop trying, that it is not worth it, that things will not get better. Often it is critical to have someone outside yourself to help you get through the fog of depression, to see that this is not true. When you are in a depressive episode, you may not be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it is there – even if your symptoms have persisted for months or years. Research has shown over and over again that it is possible to heal from depression. My role will be to walk with you and encourage you to keep taking steps forward to get you out of the darkness of depression, into the light of hope and relief.

Grief and bereavement can be a special case of depression. The immense, indescribable pain of losing someone you love can become all-consuming. It can be difficult to imagine going on without this person. The loss itself may have been traumatic or unexpected, further complicating the grieving process. Your needs during this time will be very individualistic. You may just need someone to share the pain you are feeling, a place to honor the memory of the one you lost. Other times, you may feel as though you are drowning and need help getting back to shore. Ultimately, grief is normal and healthy. It is a sign of the remarkable love you felt. Allowing yourself to feel this pain can help you begin to make sense of the loss. I will be with you, to help keep you afloat during this difficult but sacred journey.

Women’s Mental Health

Body image, leadership, sexual harassment and assault, relationships, pregnancy, postpartum, motherhood, infertility and pregnancy loss, being child-free by choice, caregiving, aging, finances, and more. While these issues are not exclusive to female clients, women often face unique societal pressures, family expectations, and life roles. I am passionate about helping women process and define these expectations for themselves. There is no one right way to be a woman. I seek to empower my clients to find the right path for themselves and to let go of the shame and self-criticism taught by society. In addition to tailoring my training and clinical experiences to women’s issues, I completed undergraduate minors in Human Sexuality and Women, Gender, and Sexuality Studies.

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Relationships

Whether in individual or couples therapy, relationships will likely play an important role in our work together. We are social by nature, and it is a strength, not a weakness, to need others. Strong, supportive relationships can help us weather even the most tumultuous of life’s storms. On the other hand, when important relationships are suffering, it is very difficult to thrive. Together, we will increase awareness of your emotional experience and your needs in your relationships. Emotions serve as a powerful method of communication, if we can learn to listen to and express them effectively. Healing a relationship requires understanding where you have gotten stuck (the “negative cycle”) and being willing to risk vulnerability, to communicate in a different way. Forming new relationships similarly requires courage and persistence. This work can be among the most rewarding, as our relationships truly give life meaning and depth.

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Intense Emotions

At times, it can feel as though you are trapped on a roller coaster of emotions, with extreme ups and downs. You may find yourself making impulsive decisions or feeling ruled by your emotions. This may have led to crisis situations, or even feeling as though life is unbearable. We know that there are both biological (e.g., genetics, temperament, neurotransmitters, hormones) and environmental (e.g., “fit” of early environment, current relationships, modeling) influences on emotions. For some, emotions are more easily triggered, feel more intense, and take longer to subside. There is nothing wrong with this – in fact it can be a strength! Unfortunately, we are often not taught how to identify, accept, cope with, or change our emotions. Learning how to manage intense emotions can be life-changing. Therapy can help you become more aware of how you are feeling and what your options are to respond, so you can make decisions based on values, rather than current distress. Therapy can also help you develop greater compassion for yourself as you navigate life’s ups and downs. Our work rests on the assumption that everyone is doing the best they can with the knowledge and skills they have, even while they may want and need to make changes.

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Service Members, Veterans, and their Families

To serve in the military requires great sacrifice, courage, and dedication, for both the Service Member or Veteran and their family. With this service comes unique perspectives and needs, whether it be the structure and organization of the military, deployments, trauma (combat trauma, military sexual trauma, moral injury, survivor’s guilt, or other traumas), adjustment to civilian life, stigma around mental health and help-seeking, maintaining family relationships, managing substance use, coping with physical injury or health concerns, or other struggles. At the same time, those who have served our country often have unique strengths and core values that can be immensely protective. I have been honored to have the opportunity to train at three different VA Hospitals serving Veterans and family members, including my full-time predoctoral internship and postdoctoral fellowship. It can be difficult to ask for help, especially when you’ve been taught to “be strong” or to handle everything on your own. I hope you can see the strength it truly takes to share your story. I would love to walk with you on your path towards healing.